I'm tired

It has been a busy 8 weeks.
First and foremost, poor Clyde. He is truly going down hill. For almost 2 weeks we suffered right along side of him as he struggled with pain and loose bowels. Having the runs when you have bowel cancer can never be a good sigh. We took him to see Kevin and decided to try stronger drugs. And it has been a short term solution. But again, Clyde is showing pain, limping quite alot, refusing to sit and only seeming comfortable when he is completely down on the ground. The last couple of days he is withdrawn again, only moving to follow me from room to room. Palliative care is so freaking hard. I don't want him to suffer and I don't want to let go.
I stopped at the gas station today to just grab some milk, and while there the girls asked me how he was. Seems the dogs from WCRR are more well known then I had thought. Clyde had only been in the station once for cookies but they remembered him and his story months later. The girl behind the counter kept saying what a nice boy he was. I couldn't agree more.

We are in the mist of preparing for the pub night fundraiser. Its our first and we have sold out quickly. There have been so many donations from so many places that we had to finally say, thanks but no thanks. It is going to prove to be a fun night. Not only is there the silent auction, toonie toss and Numbers pull, but we are going to do a live auction for the wine fridge and also for what is turning out to be a headline event. In a moment of weakness I agreed to allow SOMEONE to throw a pie in my face. So, whomever can come forward with the most money, gets the privilege. Seems some of the guys (and gals) in my life are quite excited about this one.
The dogs should really know how much I love them. Cause they are the reason I am doing this.

I think the reason I am tired is because I realized that I can not always trust those close to me.
We all make mistakes. We all say and do things that we regret. But the measure of what kind of person you are is how you own what you do and say.
I have in my lifetime done some terrible things. I have hurt people, ruined relationships and destroyed trust. But I always have tried to own my own shit. When I hurt someone, I try to apologize. When I have broken trust , I try to mend it.
There are many things I can forgive. But in order for that you happen, you have to admit to it.

Deceit is rampant in rescue these days. for a long time I have managed to avoid it. And that is because I have kept WCRR small. For the longest time it was just Jim and I fostering dogs one at a time. And we did pretty darn good. But then we reached out and opened up to others. And when you do that, you sometimes run the risk of being damaged. Not only has it happened with WCRR it has happened to another rescue as well. I have decided to pull back and rethink this.

One of the problems with running a rescue is what to do when you are too tired to go any further. That is going to happen one day. I worry that there is no one on board that can take over. Our doors will always be open for our dogs. But I worry about the ones needing help in the future.