Sometimes Love isn't enough

Today was a day that every rescue dreads. It was the day that we have to put one of our dogs down. Not because they are too old or too sick or even too out of control. It was because they weren't safe.
I really wanted to believe that all Kay needed was time and love. And I thought we could give her that. But Kayla had been allowed to make decisions on her own for too long and those decisions weren't healthy ones. When Kay came to us, she had such a hard look about her. She wasn't trusting, she wasn't friendly, she wasn't afraid either. Kay wanted what she wanted and there was no changing that.
That hard untrusting look changed quickly. She became confident almost overnight and I missed the signs of trouble. When she went after Sashka, I blamed it on my not paying close enough attention to what signs I though she was giving. When she growled at people, I thought "Oh she just doesn't like them standing over her". She allowed me to do all sorts of things to her, but I realize now, they were on her terms, not mine.
Kayla I don't think ever really trusted anyone. She would allow you to pet her, she would even encourage it, but then she would growl and give people that hard stare. Not to Jim or I, but to everyone else.
I so wanted her to find that one person that would make her safe. Someone that would understand her, give her time and space and allow her to become the dog "I" wanted her to be. But as she settled more in our home, I started to see a side of Kay that worried me.
Last week Kay backed one of our board members up, growling and barking at her. All this woman was doing was showing her affection. Affection that Kay had asked for.
The next day on a walk, Kay bit someone. Again, they had been petting her, had stopped before she wanted them to, and as he tried to walk away Kay nailed him. The bite was bad enough to require 4 stitches.
I still thought that we could give Kay another chance. I booked an appointment with a behaviorist, thinking I just need some help and then I can change her behavior. That appointment was for tomorrow morning.
Friday as we were coming home from a walk Kay made another bad decision. She didn't want to come in the house. I got behind her to give her a little nudge, just as I had done many times before. Kay turned and tried to bite me. She didn't try to nip me, or just scare me, she meant to do damage.
After a talk with those that knew Kay in the shelter, her vet and Jim, we decided that Kay could never safely be homed. For whatever reason, love this time would not be enough.
One of the hardest things about rehoming a Rottweiler is that you have to be sure that whomever takes the dog can manage that dog. And that the dog will not bite unprovoked. I take the responsibility of owning this breed very seriously. Without careful management, the Rottweiler will suffer the same fate that Pit bulls suffer.
My heart is broken. I wanted so badly to do what was right for this dog and all the dogs we care for. I can't fix them all. I can't help them all. I can't change what others have done to them. I did do the only thing I knew at that point to do. That was to hold this girl in my arms while we released her.
There are going to be those that say I have no right to be rescuing these dogs. Maybe I don’t' have enough experience. Maybe I don't have the right training, or resources, or the right facilitates. But until someone else steps up to the plate to help them I will continue to bring dogs out of shelters and offer them whatever I can.
Kayla, my girl, I am so very very sorry.